Happy Easter!
Sharing a few reflections from Good Friday and Easter, where you might find comfort and guidance - enjoy!
He Is Wearing It Too
Someone I know shared a story some years back about his first daughter. Around 2 years old, she had picked up a tough bug and was having the worst diarrhea. He called it, super poop. At one point, she was standing up while they were trying to change her, when suddenly the super poop launched. But because the diapers were sealed around her thighs, the super poop *backfired* and blasted upward, all over her chest and back and her arms. The poor girl freaked out, and in total desperation, looked at her parents and said one word: "HUG?"
I asked him, "What did you do?" He said, "I gave her the biggest bear hug of my life." When he finally pulled back with his arms spread wide, his brand new $50 shirt was covered with super poop in the shape of his daughter. :)
I had been thinking of that story when, yesterday, myself and some of the family I've been staying with went out driving through the mountains to try to get some much needed cash. We drove an hour and a half, got through a couple of military and police roadblocks while being fumigated individually, to finally reach the only ATM in the zone. But, the person right in front of me got the last of the ATM's money... I walked over to the church in the pueblo, and through the grating was a large crucifix that I looked at. And it occurred to me that all the crap that had shot up inside of me while I was walking from the ATM - the hurt and feelings of frustration and failure from doubts and fears - well, I remembered that the one who made me is wearing it, too. That experience made what was then turning out to be a really bad day, a really good one. And now there are some new plans in place to get some cash.
You know, that's why that whole cross and crucifixion of Jesus is called Good. It's that whatever hurts and wounds we might have from dark worries and thoughts from too much time thinking; or from feelings of guilt or failure in life; or from burnout or addictive impulses that quarantines trigger; or from feelings of doom or fear of the future; or from loneliness or being left out, or shame from social stereotypes or just a dysfunctional or even abusive upbringing; or from jealousy and impatience with people you're around all the time, or the anxious need to have the quarantine end *now*; or from whatever guilt or shame you have from what you've done in the past; or from whatever anyone's done to you - in short, whatever CRAP you got going on?
The one who was so happy to make you, is wearing it too.
I hope you experience something of a quarantine "hug" today.
And have a really Good Friday.
Yet it was our pain that he bore, our sufferings he endured. (Is 53:4)
Notice the Little New Buds
I read an article shared on the walls of a few Facebook friends by a good writer about what's going to happen when society starts to open up again. I think it's worth a read on its own. But in brief, it talks about the whole world being in a Great Pause, and the voices that are going to put on a full-court press to return to the old normal once society starts to open up again. I think that what we start to do now will help us be ready for that.
Almost 20 years ago, I started my own Great Pause in life. I had new experiences and insights that were freeing and also a little confusing. Well, without having digested them fully, I listened to voices both outside of me and inside to put myself in a position of going back to the old normal. It was all downhill from there! I entered into a bad clinical depression. It was the worst experience of my life, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. So, since my condo was being rented, I had to return to live with my parents.
One day I decided I'd plant something new on the side of my parents' house. The patch of dirt along the house was covered with dead leaves from the winter, so I started to clear those out. While doing so, I felt my finger prick on something in the rich dirt underneath. I paused and looked, and it was a little green bud of a new plant, hardly noticeable. So, I continued clearing the leaves and it happened again. So, this time I stopped and examined everything more closely. I noticed one, two, three buds - they were everywhere! I didn't need to plant anything. I just needed to clear out the dead leaves so there'd be light and water. By later in the spring, the new plants had grown up and were in bloom all along the house!
Like those buds, the new buds I noticed in me and my life during that time, those have grown out and matured over the years and have led to the type of life I live now. I now have a deeper sense of meaning and purpose and authenticity, I am very happy with that. And a time that was the worst of my life, turns out to be the best. I also got to be close to my parents in the last years of their lives, in their journey to a new life.
I think the author I mentioned at the beginning is right on: this is a Great Pause given to everyone. And that's why I've been publicizing things I reserve for people in great pauses! So, I hope you've found something helpful.
All that said, here I'll offer a little advice, for you to take as resonates with you:
I think the temptation that shows up now is to try to go back to the old normal, which is familiar and comfortable. The voices come most strongly from whatever has been "big" or "successful" or "powerful" - firstly inside of ourselves and then within society (it's hard for those voices to let go of what was a great situation for them). We'll give in to going back to the old normal if we haven't "internalized" what we're seeing and experiencing in the Great Pause. If we haven't "digested" it - because it won't have a root in us to survive the pressures and allure of going back. If the good insights and experiences aren't allowed to be internalized, they remain outside of the place within us that ultimately guides our thoughts and actions, and they'll get swept away when the wave of voices come to invite the old normal to come back out.
That is why I encourage everyone in this time to pause personally amidst the Great Pause, to take notice of what's going on inside. Make space to notice the feelings and thoughts, and look for what resonates with you from what you see and experience, and to chew on and start to digest it, so that it gets inside. It doesn’t happen all at once. But in stages of going back and regurgitating and chewing and swallowing again. It's a process, and it's good to have companionship in it. Beware of false starts and pressures to move before you're ready. Also beware of putting off the digesting. Those are two things, in my experience, that make a recipe to give in to the old normal. Like exercising too quickly after eating, we can get sick and even vomit what we've taken in. It can lead to depression - financially, psychologically, socially. Instead, wait until you have a sense of internal clarity, peace and integrity before acting. Start with smaller steps that show up, and grow into larger ones. (And a note about religion: religion can be a great source and support along this journey. It can also be one of the most compelling voices to return to the old normal. If involved in religion, I advise guidance from mature religious people familiar with this process.)
The lighter stuff - like humor, games, conversations and anything else that occupies us with energy and distraction - is really necessary in this time to keep us human! But we also need that short time alone to go deeper with good insights and desires. Try not to let the day go by without listening to see if there's an internal invitation to chew or digest. If you feel like you did miss that invitation, try not to let guilt have its way. Remember in those times that it's ok, you're not going to do this perfectly. We're all going to miss a lot! Perfection is not the goal, just being in the path is the goal. Make your mess and your mistakes. Just get back up and keep going - try not to worry about your "performance", as your value doesn't come from that. (And the growth of life doesn't depend on it as much as our ego would like to believe!) Get back to your good insights and desires and digesting them, and let that process lift you up again. The good God who gives new life out of the death of the old is doing something great with you - and all of us!
If we keep this path as society begins to open up, the growth happens on its own. So, if we individually just start to do this each in their own way, especially at small levels, a lot of the experiences you're having now, can eventually grow into something alive and mature that is good for you and for all of us.
Because there are dead leaves in old normal. It's a good time to start to clear them away.
And notice the little new buds.
See, I am doing something new! Now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? (Is 43:19)
Have a happy Easter!